Good day to you. I am at the stage now that I can no longer apologise for missed blog schedules and other such tedious things. This is just me now. Welcome to the Irregular era of this blog. Today, I will attempt to tackle the topic of this irregularity as I try to work my way towards resuming some level of normalcy in this space.
Last night when I got home from Taiko practice at around 10 pm, I don’t usually go out during the week so right off the bat I expected that I would wake up tired from missing my bedtime. Not a huge deal since Tuesdays are my least hectic days so I can afford to squeeze in a yawn here and there without it affecting my day much. So, to make sure I minimised the damage that the lack of sleep would surely cause, I jumped straight into my pyjamas after I walked through the door.
After checking my alarms and switching off my side lamp, I was soon off to la-la land. That beautiful state of being was unfortunately short-lived as I was pulled out of it by the sound of plastic bottles falling in my kitchen. There was a really strong wind blowing about outside so I assumed that the open window in my kitchen was the cause of this incident. So I got up, went to close the kitchen window and all the others that were also open and therefore held the potential to disturb my sleep later on.
I jumped right back into my bed, hopeful that I could salvage my disrupted sleep. Unlucky for me, it was probably only 20 minutes before I was shaken awake again! This time my house was shaking. The wind outside had grown stronger and now my house felt like it was about to fly away.
The shaking stopped. I lay in my bed terrified, but more than ready to get right back to sleep. I started drifting back into my sleep but every time I would close in on that sweet sweet sleep, the wind would whisper threats to my house again and I would feel myself tensing up and out of my sleepy state.
This went on for longer than I care to admit, and by the time my first alarm rang at 4:15, I had managed to only get a half-hour of uninterrupted sleep. So I made an executive decision to skip out on exercise time this morning in an attempt to steal another hour of sleep. It didn’t help. Instead, I was more exhausted after the hour nap than I was when I was meant to wake up.
I’m at school now and my body is depleted and my soul feels so heavy it feels like it is sinking to the depths of my being. I recognise this as a side effect of sleep deprivation but that doesn’t help make it feel any less pressing. So why am I telling you this riveting tale about my adventures with sleep deprivation? Well, I guess I realised today, as I attempted to wade past the reality of my physical condition, that this is how I feel in general. There’s this constant exhaustion that is hanging across my creative brain right now that is making it difficult to do anything. Perhaps “Taiko practice” in this instance is my sister in laws passing, and “the fallen bottle” is covid-19, which would then make “the wind shaking my house” the whole George Floyd situation and the aftershocks are the waves of BLM that have caused us to wrestle with issues we have kept inside all our lives. In all these situations there have been different levels of preparedness for the exhaustion to follow, but unfortunately, all these situations have also had a cumulative weight that has made things progressively difficult.
All I can do to stay productive now is to steal moments of energy through coffee and other short-lived energy injections. During the times where I have managed to attain the energy to start writing something, all I’ve wanted to do was to pen posts about gender-based violence, black lives matter and buying a car in Japan. But I can only manage the work I don’t make public right now. I’ve been writing short stories, and it’s been such a lovely escape that it’s made it even harder to come back to blogging.
Anyway, so that’s where I am. I’m really tired yal but I’m still writing. I hope one day soon I can truly say that all is well and rosy again in the world of the Joburg Zulu, but until then, I’ll have another cup of coffee.